 I picked up my mic and recited my old saying
still me, still peace, still stronger than yesterday. No matter how hard I would fall, no matter how much I wanted to break away from this life and try to live a lie. I sometimes felt I would die from the insecurities and the past entities of inner demons, but I picked up my mic and recited that old peaceful poetry that I was stronger than yesterday, that I was a different me yesterday reciting it to myself like it’s therapy. Recited it like old poetry, relieved the scenes like intense therapy. Watched me cry in the mirror and break my own soul being honest with my heart floating behind a mirror of thin silver and gold. Wanted my true colors back, that black and bold, that red and brave, the dark blue and true. Telling myself I gotta be true to me again, honest with my soul again. Don’t touch me... This is my therapy. I picked up my old book, and it took me on a journey to the past memories, my old, not yet concrete sanity, back to my vanity and pretending that I had it all together. Picked up my old collections and did a quick reflection, looking for protection from the old insecruites. That I was ready to take on the world, but in reality I was only playing an old worn out identity, trying to finish it’s ending scene in a dark room bleeding. Read it like old me, realized that I was stronger than I was back then. That I’m so much braver and older than yesterday. Told myself as I fell to the floor asking God what is in store for my now grey soul, for my cold heart which I’m trying to warm up without having the ice break it apart. Reading that old me, reminding me that I was not as strong as I was today, and I still made it to this very moment. Recited like old poetry singing while reflecting on old memories. Don’t touch me... This is my therapy. Wore my colors again on my back, what was true. That black and bold, that red and brave, that dark blue and true. Recited my old endless saying fighter, fight everyday, breaker, breaking the new demons just like the old ones. Winner in the ending which only leads to a new beginning. This is my therapy, this is my new breakthrough. Knowing everything will never just be okay, but a new day to keep believing in me. Just keep winning everyday no matter what life throws at me. This is my therapy, a breakthrough to my new day.
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 Been at this for years, we’ve been from tears to confessing fears. I used to think the reason was your fear as the reason why we never ended up in your room, after many passed up moments I'm starting to wonder am I the right one for you? I don't know what else I can do. I just wanna be in your room and have every piece of you. I used to think that maybe there was somebody else. Used to think that you were just teasing me because you would always pull in so close and whisper in my ear some simple small talk, asking me how far could we go and would I ever hesitate to let go? Let’s cut the small talk and just move on to the best part. I’m already yours so let’s cut the small talk and just cut up. You’re already mine and after all this time why are we still playing this small talk game? I need the best part of you, I want you to have the best of me so let's just chill with the small talk and chill in your room. All this pent up frustration making me lose concentration when I’m around you. I’m already a die hard fool for you, I’m already losing it when you touch and pull me in for that small talk, I don’t wanna walk anywhere else but to your room. The thought of all of you is already running me into walls, to the point where my insecurities are taking the fall. I used to think that it was just my insecurities making you hesitate and not wanting a double participation hearing you in your room get frustrated like you were going through a hard lesson. Just ask me and I’ll be right there to give you a new direction… to help you relieve all that stressing...and after we can have some real talk and reflection Let’s cut the small talk and just move on to the best part. I’m already yours so let’s cut the small talk and just cut up. You’re already mine and after all this time why are we still playing this small talk game? I need the best part of you, I want you to have the best of me so let's just chill with the small talk and chill in your room. You tell me to pace myself, asking me why I gotta rush? You tell me that your small talk is just your Love Style, but yet you touch me and whisper in my ear your small talk, it gets deeper till I lose the thought of both of us taking turns pinning each other to the walls. But then I come right on back with my own version of small talk. Let's just cut the small talk and slowly move onto the best part.  Some say love is the ultimate feeling
for soul completion. Someone holding to your soul as well as your body. Never Letting you go and telling you I love you every second. Contributing to your story. What they never tell you is that love is the ultimate feeling to destroy you. It can free you, it can help you, but it can also break you, leave your story in a million pieces. Falling in love means taking advantage of someone. Telling someone I love you means opening a door to destroy them from the inside out. Lights come on and they quickly go out when the wrong thing is said. This is the truth about Love no one really wants to tell. Some say love is the ultimate goal for your life completion. Someone to share it with. Someone to wake up with. Someone to grow old with. Never have to face the world alone. Someone to continue writing your story with, someone to have your ending with. But sometimes love can have you keeping the world away from someone. Someone to wake up, but they are nowhere in sight. Someone to grow apart with, someone to have everyting, but nothing to do with it. Falling in love can also mean having to face the world alone. Telling someone I love you means there is a chance you won’t think the same way about each other the next time you touch, the next time you kiss. So rethink before you tell someone you love them. This the truth about love no one wants to tell. It’s so risky, not everyone has the courage to take it, and the ones who do never have the faith to stay. We say it so quickly, we say it so fast. Just for a satisfactory refractory feeling. Falling in love means taking advantage of someone. Telling someone I love you means opening a door to destroy them from the inside out of their own head when their heart doesn't have anything to say. |
Author & PodcasterLive Life With Everything Archives
August 2020
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