Pushing

It always amazes me, how one day 
you wake up and everything is changed.
It amazes me, how someone can hold
you today might be gone tomorrow. 

The first time I fell, and you were not there.
I felt the flames of hell, because that’s
all that was left after I wished you farwell on your
journey back home, and that was the moment
my journey really began. The moment 
where I really began to push. 

I’m sitting in the dead of night wishing.
I’m sitting in the dead of night remembering.
That you were still here, that you were still
waiting home, at your favorite place.
I’m sitting here pushing for some type of clarity.

I lost it when you woke up from this dream.
I lost it when I woke up from this distant dream.
I looked up and asked for you back, hoping 
and praying you were begging to come back.
I look at the ground and banged on it till I saw
my hands shake, till I saw the tears fall on my
palms. I push myself back and hold it in, telling
myself to go back to sleep and hope to wake 
to you.

Sent my fist through glass till I saw blood.
I fell to the ground praying you would walk in 
and lift me up and put my hands together 
so we could pray, but I keep waking up. Never 
knowing what to really take to make the pain 
go away.

I’m sitting in the dead of night crying.
I’m sitting in the dead of night praying.
That you’re coming home, that everything 
was a mistake and that we can make up the lost
time, so can I rest on my heart again after realizing
that my mind played nothing but tricks, but
I’m sitting here pushing for some clarity.


Sometimes I cry at night, and sometimes 
I’m watching you in my eyes watching from 
the memories in my head. I wonder what you could 
have been, what you could have accomplished.
What life would have been like if you were
still here. Because I gotta find a way to push 
because I can’t find anything to take the pain away.

I’m sitting here pushing, I’m sitting here taking
everything in. I’m sitting here praying, to stop
Crying. I’m sitting here wishing that I will never 
forget to remember. 

What if I didn’t have to push 
to make it threw the next day where I wake 
up to you here not being here.

I’m pushing...

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