Somedays

Somedays

I look back on everything, like a distant
memory, a beautiful surface song. That
when you get older you finally understand 
that it was a cry for help. That it was a
loud realization that we tried to learn, but
too lost in the moment to understand. Too
lost in the pictures, I was too lost in the 
in the movies. I was too stuck on the
surface. It was the whispers in the back 
of my head that I finally understand, and 
when I look back. I was closer to leaving
than I realize.

I maybe stronger than I was yesterday, but
if I’m being honest somedays I didn’t wanna
wake up. Somedays, I just wanted to walk 
away from me and find someone else. Just
walk away from my beautiful surface and see
if people can truly understand my song.
I maybe stronger than I was yesterday, but 
right now if I’m being honest right now is
the moment when I’m getting more set in
to talk about it all. Finally able to say that
I was closer to the edgy than I realize.

I look back on everything, like a beautiful
picture. I used to pretend that it was always
here, used to pretend that it just came 
into existence. I now see that pain
and faith went into every stroke. Thoughts
of leaving it all behind is all behind on the 
otherside of the surface. I look at my life
now like that picture when I was young.
I used to think that all my blessing were 
just here, but now I see that all the faith
and pain that came into play. That behind the 
surface I was so damn close to the edge
and falling. 





I maybe stronger than I was yesterday, but
if I’m being honest it was hard for me to 
get some good rest. Somedays, I just wanted
to ask myself to just walk away from me.
Just so that I wouldn’t get me, get me 
thinking about all the pain I wanted to just
sweep under the rug. All the light hugs
never meant a damn thing, but the harsh
brushes to my heart made me think about
the truth I didn’t think I could have. 

Would I go back? Hell no, because I’m 
starting to be grateful for all the beautiful 
surfaces. All the times I was on the edge,
and I had to pull myself back up. I’m now
starting to realize that I was a different person
than I was yesterday. I got passed the surface 
and really knew what the hell I was and 
wanted to be. Somedays, like today I get
up and just think back to all the days I 
didn’t wanna get up and walk away. Today
I’m just glad I never did. 

The beautiful songs I wrote, the endless 
poetry that left my heart and poured from
my hands onto paper was just a cry for
help as I realize that I was on the edge. 
I’m just beginning to realize that I was close
to falling. The songs I used to sing, was 
just a hint of all the shortcomings I was 
dealing with. Somedays, if I’m being honest
I asked myself how I survived it all? How
did I not jump off the edge? What stopped
that one last bullet from piercing into me?
What stopped it from piercing and shattering
my whole existence?

Somedays...

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