#27 AKA 5 Years Later

5 years passed, and I'm still writing love stories. 
27 days since I last listened to our song, made 
for me, is the feeling you told me that rings in my 
ear, but still close to 365 days I'm being reminded 
of the I love yous that were never followed through. 
3 entries since you last spoke to me, over 1000 
new verses since you last saw me. 

I'm still counting since we both left each other with 
a ghost. I'm still counting every piece of my recovery, 
still counting that one Summer love story that still has 
me counting the days since the last time I was able 
to tell someone I love you.

145 days passed since the last possibility, and still, 
my mindscape drifts to you. 29 days each year I’m
reminded of the heartbreak that turned into a 
broken ghost. 5 years since that summer trying to 
figure out where the trauma started. It began way 
before you were written into my story, but you made
me for the very first time read between the lines 
and made me finally acknowledge it’s my undeniable
origin story.

I'm still counting since we both left each other with 
a ghost. I'm still counting every piece of my recovery, 
still counting that one summer love story that still has 
me counting the days since the late time I was able to 
tell someone I love you. 

3 heartbreaks since then, and one love story that changed 
how I love myself. It's been five since our story and sometimes 
I think about you and sometimes I try to figure out why I still 
want to remember you. 

Were you my first love? 
Or were you just a forever reminder of heartbreak? 
The one that got away?
A ghost to haunt me in the direction of peace?
A pain I'm supposed to carry until I truly learn to leave 
it all in the past and stop counting 
the ways I can write about heartache?

5 years later, I'm still breathing. 5 years later, and I'm 
still waiting for the minute I stop counting. Will it be another 
365 till I'm ready to truly move on. 

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