 When I let my mind drift
I find myself waiting in question Find myself searching for the me in question. I find myself waking up in the daydream and taking it by the seams. Creating a reality, using a type of creativity I thought I had lost when I healed. As I let my mind drift. I could see that I was too busy trying to find a reason to be broken because I had convinced myself that I was more productive when I was in that state of mind. I was more creative broken, I was more less awakened in the mindset of forgetting. Forgetting that the pain was supposed to eventually fade, but I let it shape, let it take the form of my coveted creativity. As I let my mind drift. Back to the areas of my creativity discovering that I never lost it. I just had to find away to process this new found sense of reality. Realizing I didn’t know how to be accustomed to this new happy, this new sense of I’m grown up. The moment I let my mind drift. I unearthed the real progression that came with all my confessions.
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 Used to losing my way, but I’ve never been this
close to falling from grace. Each conflict I’m trying to prove to others, prove to myself who I am. Had heart to hearts with myself, but I still have that insecurity of not wanting to be looked at like I couldn’t do this on my own. Like I couldn’t make life my own. I crawl away and repeat What am I doing? Almost 10 years later what am I trying to prove? Who the hell am I trying to prove it to? Where am I going this time? What does God still have in store for me? What else has life got to throw at me? Is this the side effects of placing that curtain on the mirror? Walking away from the antidotes and just choosing to get high off of old quotes. I still haven’t learned to turn to anyone, I candle my life, I control this flame, but I feel it going out. I guess it’s just time for me to fight these side effects again. I took to the mirror, whispered reflection and I was shown someone who still doesn’t know what they want? A heart that is still steady, but closer to an edge of never believing. Asking them self how will they fall this time and will this be the time they finally lose sight of grace, just to prove the reflection wrong. Asking... Mirror, Mirror on the wall how hard will I fall? What am I doing? God am I on the right path? What am I trying to prove? Who the hell am I trying to prove it to? Is the fall from grace really the true ending to my story? Is this the side effects of placing that curtain on the Mirror? Do I really have the strength to try this again? Do I really have what it takes to make my mark? As I fall down everything just freezes. My eyes open... I stand up, face myself clear my mind, finally realize that, when I fall down the only eyes that are looking are mine seemingly dead in the reflection, but clearly still alive. These side effects got me all a wreck, but when I breathe, I can see. Realize that the story is only done when I say it is. |
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December 2023
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