 Another year has gone by, and another part of life
is coming to a close. A new cover is about to unfold, and life is about to get closer to A new chapter. Ready to accomplish new goals, ready to make more changes. Another battle won, but still getting ready to face the war. A new year, and another chance to do more, another chance to Make another change. A New Year, and I’m going in with a head held high. Only been getting stronger, revelations make my evolution to become something stronger. Deep in my soul, I know I’m ready for the world. A New Year, I’m ready for anything. This year did not go without heartbreaks. This year did not go without a face full of tears. This year was full of challenges, though we accomplished each step. If we woke up on this day we already won. This year was full of cost and some of us lost. Goodbyes to a lot of people we never thought We would have to say goodbye to so early. We don’t know what this new beginning will bring. But I know a lot of us will make it to this point again. Down the way, all I can is say good luck and pray even when it’s all down, it’s a new year We can only pray for the best, and take on whatever Life throws at us. I can’t say I have all the answers. I can’t say it will all be bright. You always have to expect new shades of darkness. With each new chapter, some days will always Have a twisted turn, but know it’s a chance to Make a better you. In this New Year, I know what I am going to do. A New Year, and I’m going in with a head held high. Only been getting stronger, revelations have made my evolution to become something stronger. Deep in my soul, I know I’m ready for the world. A New Year and ready for anything.
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 Let's breathe in this moment.
One last time, let’s give it up for ourselves. We’ve made it past the hardest part. The fights the moments where we knew it would no Longer be the same. But we’re still here breathing. Let's breathe in this moment and embrace the memories. Let’s give it up for the memories We’ve made this time. along the way, where we got lost but found the most Unexpected moments of peace. The moments where we were able to fully breathe after running for our lives. Let's breathe in this moment and embrace the ones we will never forget. Let’s take a moment to think about the ones who Couldn’t make it here at this very moment. One step away from this moment, but we can still carry them Into the next. Let’s breathe and embrace the fact we made it.  I sit out and wonder where I go. After this moment of
forever has gone, how do I move on? I remember the lights so bright, but after you fell from my life and stood up in my memory. I couldn’t help but think of the snowfall. It feels like you are here so suddenly and then gone just as fast. I look up as it falls. All I can hear is a voice call out to me, I breathe as the snowfalls. When the snow falls, it feels like your call to me. I remember when the lights used to shine so bright, when I last saw you they were so dim, but when the snowfalls they woke up. All I can feel is that it's unfair that they still shine so bright without you here for the light to shine on your face. I see you as the snowfalls, I feel you as the lights shine bright. Every year I know it won't be long before I hear your call. As long as I am a step away from the snowfall, I'll never be too far from your call. As the sun comes back up, I think for a moment how I came so close to seeing you again, but as the sun shined on me I realized that I was just close to a memory. A forever in a moment that didn’t seem long enough. The lights have gone dim, but when I look into the distance, look into the moment I see the snowfall. When I step out into the snow, it's like stepping out into faith. You're not here, but each time the snow falls it feels like your call. Each time the lights shine so bright, I know that I have to fight back to not feel everything all at once. I would sink into the snow if it weren’t for you telling me that I’m not done, that the light is not done shining on me. I know it’s fair when the lights shine so bright, but I’m glad they shine so bright to help me remember. I pace my way to the snowfall just to avoid rushing into it all. When I step into the falls it feels like I’m stepping into faith. When the snow falls it feels like you’re calling me.  5 years passed, and I'm still writing love stories.
27 days since I last listened to our song, made for me, is the feeling you told me that rings in my ear, but still close to 365 days I'm being reminded of the I love yous that were never followed through. 3 entries since you last spoke to me, over 1000 new verses since you last saw me. I'm still counting since we both left each other with a ghost. I'm still counting every piece of my recovery, still counting that one Summer love story that still has me counting the days since the last time I was able to tell someone I love you. 145 days passed since the last possibility, and still, my mindscape drifts to you. 29 days each year I’m reminded of the heartbreak that turned into a broken ghost. 5 years since that summer trying to figure out where the trauma started. It began way before you were written into my story, but you made me for the very first time read between the lines and made me finally acknowledge it’s my undeniable origin story. I'm still counting since we both left each other with a ghost. I'm still counting every piece of my recovery, still counting that one summer love story that still has me counting the days since the late time I was able to tell someone I love you. 3 heartbreaks since then, and one love story that changed how I love myself. It's been five since our story and sometimes I think about you and sometimes I try to figure out why I still want to remember you. Were you my first love? Or were you just a forever reminder of heartbreak? The one that got away? A ghost to haunt me in the direction of peace? A pain I'm supposed to carry until I truly learn to leave it all in the past and stop counting the ways I can write about heartache? 5 years later, I'm still breathing. 5 years later, and I'm still waiting for the minute I stop counting. Will it be another 365 till I'm ready to truly move on.  You spread hate, you shine your mirror on
everyone else. I don’t live for evil, but I believe in fair game. I see the darkness in front of me, I touch it, just to give you a piece of what you spread. The Revenge is so sweet The Darkness is so welcoming I knew what I was getting into, now I am lost. In the Dark... No one drove me to the dark, I went on my own. I just got lost, now all I see is the pain, all I see is hell. Revenge is sweet, but after a while it gets bitter. and then your heart begins to wither away. Then the soul burns for rage burns for evil because you’ve been consumed by the dark. You’ve Lost Your Way In The Dark... I said your mirror was shattered, I said you were nothing but a pawn for the devil. You refused to look at yourself. Then I had To take a look at mine, and then I could not see me. I could only see the dark, lighten up only by the flames. I played with fire (welcomed the flames) But I added gas to the flames Now I see nothing but flames. And now I am looking for a way out! No one drove me to the dark, I went on my own. I just got lost, now all I see is the pain, all I see is hell. Revenge is sweet, but after a while it gets bitter. and then your heart begins to wither away. Then the soul burns for rage burns for evil because you’ve been consumed by the dark. You’ve Lost Your Way In The Dark Salvation God wake me up. Salvation is so welcoming. Salvation, I repent for the flames I caused. Salvation, I reap what I sow. Salvation. I ask for forgiveness. So close! So close to Salvation… No one drove me to the dark, I went on my own. I just got lost, and now the light has found me Revenge is sweet but after a while the taste withers and disappears Revenge is never worth losing you in the darkness. It’s never worth, having your heartbreak It’s never worth, having your soul consumed by darkness It’s never worth it to get lost in the dark. Because it’s hard to find the light In The Dark…  You look at the world differently
when you know you can burn it down. Leave nothing but ashes… I saw the fire for what it really is. The flames black absent of color, the smoke crimson. Untouched, unmoved until I feel it wave back and forth as I get closer with my hand. The fire grabs me… Have you ever seen nature hungry? Let go of just a piece of your morality shed just a layer of what you think it means to be human bound to this world. You look at nature differently when you realize it’s really hungry. You breathe the air differently when you realize what it’s really craving. I would rush to breathe the Crimson smoke of the Black Fire. Allow my eyes to be seen within the red haze. When I took in the black fire I was embraced with the wave of its black flames. Embraced by the truth of nature, seeing the answers in the red haze of the… Black Fire.  You kissed me on the cheek, then you pulled me
closer but before we go any further I think you need to know the truth about me. Truth is I'm shy I can't deny that it has something to do with my pride. I easily get lost in your eyes but I won't tell you because I'm... Emotionally unavailable, but I'll secretly love you till the end. Don't like to talk about myself, but I'll tell you anything you want to know. Don't really know my love language but I'm willing to learn. This is the truth about me, sometimes I don't know if I'm enough. Sometimes I don't know if someone is into me or just being nice. I can't take hints so I may come off a little dense, but I promise it's just my defense. I'm not humble I just don't think I'm all that, this is the truth about me. The truth is I might be a little damaged, a little insecure, but I'm worth every minute. Truth or dare? You know imma pick dare, but I know you're going to dare me to tell the truth, and I'll give you everything. You'll put me on the spot even say I like the attention but truth is I like to be on the outside looking in because the truth is... I'm shy but put me in the spotlight and I'll give you a show. Give me the mic and I'll sing my heart out. Put out in front and I'll prove to you why I'm the sign, the best you'll even have but... This is the truth about me, sometimes I don't know if I'm enough. Sometimes I don't know if someone is into me or just being nice. I can't take hints so I may come off a little dense, but I promise it's just my defense. I'm not humble I just don't think I'm all that, this is the truth about me. The Truth is I might be a little damaged, a little insecure, but I'm worth every minute. You dare me to admit the truth you dare to say… You dare me to admit the truth, well here it is just for you. This is the truth about myself. Tell me you love me, and I'll brush it off but secretly I'll blush. Because sometimes I don't know if enough. Don't know if you're really into me or are you just playing nice. The truth is my heart will say give it a go but my mind tells me don't overthink. The truth is I might be a little damaged, a little insecure, but truth is I'm waiting for you to tell me I'm worth it. Truth is...  Just when I thought I was done with love and wanted it
out of my life. You came on back into my sight and looked me in the eyes. That smile always caught me off guard, felt like I was looking into pure limitless sky. Got me to the point, where I was about to cry. You couldn’t help but notice my heart isn’t as open as it used to be. I grew tired of all the lies just wanted one person to be truthful with me. As you hugged me you whispered do you think we could try again? You say… It’s been a while since you’ve seen me. But you tell me you never stopped loving me. You look me in the eyes, and you still see the part of me you fell in love with, remember the exact moment when you thought we would never become strangers, you tell me that I’ve changed, but my smile is still the same and it would always shine through the rain, but it was yours that got me through the pain. You found me at the point where I ddin’t even want to try but you pulled me closer and said the will to love never dies. It’s been a while since you’ve seen me. But you tell me you never stopped loving me.  Asking everyone if I’m in my right mind?
Acting as if you need me to be in a good mood so you can come and confess all this protest you’ve had with us. We move to the room and it goes from this protest to lust, to a question of trust and a quick brush with real honesty. You come quick, and I leave just as fast. I don’t gotta be in a right mind for you to tell me what you need to tell me. This is not the reality we’ve had, but no matter what it’s crashing down. You don’t need me to be in the right mind for you to come and leave me. Love is a fragile thing, and to be honest we played with it like we were unbreakable. If you don’t love me anymore you don’t even have to tell me because I stopped loving you a long time ago. I stopped loving you when you stepped out of each conversation to text a I'm thinking about you text to your friend, and to your sister, but I'm not too upset because I was doing the same thing. Asking everyone if I’ve had a couple of drinks? Acting like you need me to be under the influence to condone your so-called innocence, trust me neither of us is innocent. So why don’t you just tell me what you need to tell me? We had a good run, but we can have one last marathon. I want you close one last time. Let you pull me in, let me pull you back as we just let go of this last ounce of lust and trust we have left.You don’t need me to be under the influence to get all of me one last time. Our reality can still crash down as we go one last time. As we break it off and on with one last good time. We don’t have to sit up all night, asking if, why and how come we don’t love each other anymore. I stopped loving around the same time you stopped loving me. This whole thing has just been a prelude to a heartbreak love story. So if you don’t love me anymore, just save the I'm sorrys and enjoy this last goodbye kiss. If You Don’t Love Me Anymore, save it because I stopped loving you a long time ago. This goodbye was everything. It is the peak of our lust story. That one last hold was everything, the time we had was amazing, but I have to say this again. The goodbye was everything.  Snow used to fall so harshly
as I cried on the porch waiting to hear your footsteps. It used to fall so harshly as I revisited memories of last December, not knowing that would be the moment our December ends. I no longer fight back tears as I let the Snowfall. I let them fall as I remember you. A part of me never thought I would finally be able to stand the snowfall. A part of me never thought I could watch the door and accept the fact that you’re never coming home. A part of me Never thought that I would ever find peace in the remedy of the Snowfall again. After all these Decembers even though I’m still missing you the snow didn’t bury my heart. Now I’m giving myself the gift of your memory this december. I’m bearing this December with the gift of your memory. The snow falls so peacefully as I slowly breathe and remember our last december so vividly. I now sleep peacefully moving onto a new winter never ever trying to recreate the december we once had. I can share every piece of me without feeling like I’m forgetting you. The snow touches my skin and in that moment I think of you. I never thought I would be able to bear the snowfall by myself let alone with someone else. I confess I felt guilty as I watched the snowfall with someone else, but I knew deep down you would want me to move past the storm and find the love in the snowfall again. After all these Decembers even though I’m still missing you the snow didn’t bury my heart. Now I’m giving myself the gift of your memory this december. I’m bearing this December with the gift of your memory. The gift of your memory keeps me from losing myself in the snowfall. The gift of your memory allows me to move on this december. I’m bearing this December with the gift of your memory. |
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December 2023
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