 Snow used to fall so harshly
as I cried on the porch waiting to hear your footsteps. It used to fall so harshly as I revisited memories of last December, not knowing that would be the moment our December ends. I no longer fight back tears as I let the Snowfall. I let them fall as I remember you. A part of me never thought I would finally be able to stand the snowfall. A part of me never thought I could watch the door and accept the fact that you’re never coming home. A part of me Never thought that I would ever find peace in the remedy of the Snowfall again. After all these Decembers even though I’m still missing you the snow didn’t bury my heart. Now I’m giving myself the gift of your memory this december. I’m bearing this December with the gift of your memory. The snow falls so peacefully as I slowly breathe and remember our last december so vividly. I now sleep peacefully moving onto a new winter never ever trying to recreate the december we once had. I can share every piece of me without feeling like I’m forgetting you. The snow touches my skin and in that moment I think of you. I never thought I would be able to bear the snowfall by myself let alone with someone else. I confess I felt guilty as I watched the snowfall with someone else, but I knew deep down you would want me to move past the storm and find the love in the snowfall again. After all these Decembers even though I’m still missing you the snow didn’t bury my heart. Now I’m giving myself the gift of your memory this december. I’m bearing this December with the gift of your memory. The gift of your memory keeps me from losing myself in the snowfall. The gift of your memory allows me to move on this december. I’m bearing this December with the gift of your memory.
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 Waking up on a cold December night and you are not in my sight. I fight back the flooding tears; because I will never feel you on my skin again. Nights like this, I pray you come through the door to hold me. Under the heavenly lights. This night is breaking me and tearing my heart apart. I never thought I would bear this time. Without you here with me Waking up on the first of many cold days Going to sleep on my many cold nights. Realizing you are not coming home. Bearing December with so much pain in my heart. Bearing December alone in my bed, in my house, in my soul. Bearing December with no one to talk to. Looking at the snow on the ground and I can see you coming to the door. Holding back tears, this December. The first night is the hardest; the first break of daylight is the most overbearing. Everyone asking how am I holding up? They feel the cold on my skin, and the pain begins to win. The tears begin to flood, and then I go back To our room wishing it was not a cold December, because I can’t bear this time without you. I never thought I would bear this time. Without you next to me. Waking up on the first of many closed spaces. Going to sleep on the first of many filled nights realizing you are not coming home. As the memories don’t slow down. Bearing December with so much pain in my heart. Bearing December alone in my bed, in my house, in my soul. Bearing December with no one to talk to Looking at the snow on the ground, and I can remember seeing you Last December coming to the door. Holding back tears, on this December Holding myself up at the front door and the cold Is hitting my skin, and the snow seem like slow rain drops. Missing you this hard on this month, bearing this cold December. I put faith in god you are here with me, not the way I want you But having you here with me in my soul is enough for me to bear this December Bearing December with so much pain in my heart. Bearing December alone in our bed, in our house, in my soul. Bearing December with no one to talk to except the memories of you. Looking at the snow on the ground and I can see you coming to the door. As I begin to hold back tears, this December. |
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December 2024
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