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#27 AKA 5 Years Later

11/6/2022

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5 years passed, and I'm still writing love stories. 
27 days since I last listened to our song, made 
for me, is the feeling you told me that rings in my 
ear, but still close to 365 days I'm being reminded 
of the I love yous that were never followed through. 
3 entries since you last spoke to me, over 1000 
new verses since you last saw me. 

I'm still counting since we both left each other with 
a ghost. I'm still counting every piece of my recovery, 
still counting that one Summer love story that still has 
me counting the days since the last time I was able 
to tell someone I love you.

145 days passed since the last possibility, and still, 
my mindscape drifts to you. 29 days each year I’m
reminded of the heartbreak that turned into a 
broken ghost. 5 years since that summer trying to 
figure out where the trauma started. It began way 
before you were written into my story, but you made
me for the very first time read between the lines 
and made me finally acknowledge it’s my undeniable
origin story.

I'm still counting since we both left each other with 
a ghost. I'm still counting every piece of my recovery, 
still counting that one summer love story that still has 
me counting the days since the late time I was able to 
tell someone I love you. 

3 heartbreaks since then, and one love story that changed 
how I love myself. It's been five since our story and sometimes 
I think about you and sometimes I try to figure out why I still 
want to remember you. 

Were you my first love? 
Or were you just a forever reminder of heartbreak? 
The one that got away?
A ghost to haunt me in the direction of peace?
A pain I'm supposed to carry until I truly learn to leave 
it all in the past and stop counting 
the ways I can write about heartache?

5 years later, I'm still breathing. 5 years later, and I'm 
still waiting for the minute I stop counting. Will it be another 
365 till I'm ready to truly move on. 

​
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#26: A Treat from the Black Poet

10/24/2022

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You spread hate, you shine your mirror on
everyone else. I don’t live for evil, but I believe
in fair game. I see the darkness in front of me,
I touch it, just to give you a piece of what you
spread.

The Revenge is so sweet
The Darkness is so welcoming
I knew what I was getting into, now I am lost.
In the Dark...

No one drove me to the dark, I went on my own.
I just got lost, now all I see is the pain, all I see is hell.
Revenge is sweet, but after a while it gets bitter.
and then your heart begins to wither away. Then
the soul burns for rage burns for evil because you’ve
been consumed by the dark.

You’ve Lost Your Way In The Dark...

I said your mirror was shattered, I said you were
nothing but a pawn for the devil. You refused to
look at yourself. Then I had To take a look at mine,
and then I could not see me. I could only see the dark,
lighten up only by the flames.

I played with fire (welcomed the flames)
But I added gas to the flames
Now I see nothing but flames.
And now I am looking for a way out!

No one drove me to the dark, I went on my own.
I just got lost, now all I see is the pain, all I see is hell.
Revenge is sweet, but after a while it gets bitter.
and then your heart begins to wither away. Then
the soul burns for rage burns for evil because
​you’ve been consumed by the dark.


You’ve Lost Your Way In The Dark

​
Salvation God wake me up. Salvation is so welcoming.
Salvation, I repent for the flames I caused.
Salvation, I reap what I sow. Salvation. I ask for forgiveness.
So close!

So close to Salvation…

No one drove me to the dark, I went on my own.
I just got lost, and now the light has found me
Revenge is sweet but after a while the taste withers and disappears
Revenge is never worth losing you in the darkness.
It’s never worth, having your heartbreak
It’s never worth, having your soul consumed by darkness
It’s never worth it to get lost in the dark.
Because it’s hard to find the light

In The Dark…
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#25: Stream Good Soul: The Villian Arc Now!

4/17/2022

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Stream Good Soul Now
You look at the world differently 
when you know you can burn it 
down. Leave nothing but ashes…

I saw the fire for what it really is.
The flames black absent of color, 
the smoke crimson. Untouched, 
unmoved until I feel it wave back 
and forth as I get closer with my 
hand. The fire grabs me…

Have you ever seen nature hungry?
Let go of just a piece of your morality
shed just a layer of what you think
it means to be human bound to 
this world.

You look at nature differently when
you realize it’s really hungry. You
breathe the air differently when you 
realize what it’s really craving. 

I would rush to breathe the 
Crimson smoke of the Black Fire.
Allow my eyes to be seen within
the red haze. When I took in
the black fire I was embraced
with the wave of its black flames.

Embraced by the truth of 
nature, seeing the answers in
the red haze of the…

Black Fire.

​
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#24 To My Crush...You want the Truth?

4/17/2022

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You kissed me on the cheek, then you pulled me 
closer but before we go any further I think you need 
to know the truth about me. Truth is I'm shy I can't 
deny that it has something to do with my pride. I 
easily get lost in your eyes but I won't tell you 
because I'm...

Emotionally unavailable, but I'll secretly love you till the end. 
Don't like to talk about myself, but I'll tell you anything 
you want to know. Don't really know my love language 
but I'm willing to learn.

This is the truth about me, sometimes I don't know if 
I'm enough. Sometimes I don't know if someone is into 
me or just being nice. I can't take hints so I may come 
off a little dense, but I promise it's just my defense. I'm 
not humble I just don't think I'm all that, this is the truth 
about me. The truth is I might be a little damaged, a little 
insecure, but I'm worth every minute.

Truth or dare? You know imma pick dare, but I know you're 
going to dare me to tell the truth, and I'll give you everything. 
You'll put me on the spot even say I like the attention 
but truth is I like to be on the outside looking in because 
the truth is...

I'm shy but put me in the spotlight and I'll give you a show. 
Give me the mic and I'll sing my heart out. Put out in front 
and I'll prove to you why I'm the sign, the best you'll even 
have but...

This is the truth about me, sometimes I don't know if 
I'm enough. Sometimes I don't know if someone is into 
me or just being nice. I can't take hints so I may come 
off a little dense, but I promise it's just my defense. I'm 
not humble I just don't think I'm all that, this is the truth 
about me. The Truth is I might be a little damaged, a little 
insecure, but I'm worth every minute.

You dare me to admit the truth you dare to say…
You dare me to admit the truth, well here it is just 
for you.

This is the truth about myself. Tell me you love me, and I'll 
brush it off but secretly I'll blush. Because sometimes I 
don't know if enough. Don't know if you're really into me 
or are you just playing nice. The truth is my heart will say 
give it a go but my mind tells me don't overthink. The truth 
is I might be a little damaged, a little insecure, but truth 
is I'm waiting for you to tell me I'm worth it.

Truth is...

​
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#23: Love Rewritten

2/14/2022

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Just when I thought I was done with love and wanted it 
out of my life. You came on back into my sight and looked 
me in the eyes. That smile always caught me off guard, felt 
like I was looking into pure limitless sky.

Got me to the point, where I was about to cry. You couldn’t help 
but notice my heart isn’t as open as it used to be. I grew tired of 
all the lies just wanted one person to be truthful with me.  As you 
hugged me you whispered do you think we could try again? You 
say…

 It’s been a while since you’ve seen me.
But you tell me you never stopped loving me.

You look me in the eyes, and you still see the part of me 
you fell in love with, remember the exact moment when you
thought we would never become strangers, you tell me that I’ve 
changed, but my smile is still the same and it would always 
shine through the rain, but it was yours that got me through 
the pain.

You found me at the point where I ddin’t even want to try
but you pulled me closer and said the will to love never dies. 

 It’s been a while since you’ve seen me.
But you tell me you never stopped loving me.

​
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22: A Throwback To Possibilties Vol.2

2/6/2022

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Asking everyone if I’m in my right mind? 

Acting as if you need me to be in a good mood
so you can come and confess all this protest
you’ve had with us. We move to the room 
and it goes from this protest to lust, to a question
of trust and a quick brush with real honesty. 
You come quick, and I leave just as fast. 

I don’t gotta be in a right mind for you to tell me what
you need to tell me. This is not the reality we’ve
had, but no matter what it’s crashing down. You 
don’t need me to be in the right mind for you to come
and leave me. Love is a fragile thing, and to be 
honest we played with it like we were unbreakable. 

If you don’t love me anymore you don’t even
have to tell me because I stopped loving you
a long time ago. I stopped loving you when
you stepped out of each conversation to text
a I'm thinking about you text to your friend, and 
to your sister, but I'm not too upset because I was
doing the same thing. 

Asking everyone if I’ve had a couple of drinks?  

Acting like you need me to be under the influence 
to condone your so-called innocence, trust me 
neither of us is innocent. So why don’t you just 
tell me what you need to tell me? We had a good run,
but we can have one last marathon. I want you close
one last time.

Let you pull me in, let me pull you back as we just let 
go of this last ounce of lust and trust we have left.You
don’t need me to be under the influence to get all of
me one last time. Our reality can still crash down as 
we go one last time. As we break it off and on with
one last good time.

We don’t have to sit up all night, asking if, why and 
how come we don’t love each other anymore. I stopped
loving around the same time you stopped loving me.
This whole thing has just been a prelude to a heartbreak
love story. So if you don’t love me anymore, just save the
I'm sorrys and enjoy this last goodbye kiss.

If You Don’t Love Me Anymore, save it because I stopped
loving you a long time ago. 

This goodbye was everything. It is the peak of our lust story.
That one last hold was everything, the time we had was 
amazing, but I have to say this again.

The goodbye was everything.

​
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#21: Gift of your Memory

12/23/2021

1 Comment

 
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Snow used to fall so harshly 
as I cried on the porch waiting
to hear your footsteps. It used to
fall so harshly as I revisited memories 
of last December, not knowing 
that would be the moment our
December ends. I no longer 
fight back tears as I let the 
Snowfall. I let them fall as I 
remember you. 

A part of me never thought I 
would finally be able to stand
the snowfall. A part of me never
thought I could watch the door
and accept the fact that you’re
never coming home. A part of me 
Never thought that I would ever
find peace in the remedy of the 
Snowfall again. 

After all these Decembers even though
I’m still missing you the snow didn’t
bury my heart. Now I’m giving 
myself the gift of your memory 
this december. 

I’m bearing this
December with the gift of your 
memory. 

The snow falls so peacefully
as I slowly breathe and remember 
our last december so vividly. I 
now sleep peacefully moving 
onto a new winter never ever 
trying to recreate the december 
we once had. I can share every 
piece of me without feeling like
I’m forgetting you. The snow touches
my skin and in that moment I think
of you. 

I never thought I would be able to
bear the snowfall by myself let alone
with someone else. I confess I felt
guilty as I watched the snowfall with
someone else, but I knew deep down
you would want me to move past
the storm and find the love in the 
snowfall again.

After all these Decembers even though
I’m still missing you the snow didn’t
bury my heart. Now I’m giving 
myself the gift of your memory 
this december. 

I’m bearing this
December with the gift of your 
memory. 

The gift of your memory keeps me 
from losing myself in the snowfall.
The gift of your memory allows me 
to move on this december. 

I’m bearing this
December with the gift of your 
memory. 

​
1 Comment

#20: Revisitng Peace in December

12/23/2021

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Waking up on a cold December night and you are not in my sight.
I fight back the flooding tears; because I will never feel you on my skin again.
Nights like this, I pray you come through the door to hold me.
Under the heavenly lights.
This night is breaking me and tearing my heart apart.

I never thought I would bear this time.
Without you here with me
Waking up on the first of many cold days
Going to sleep on my many cold nights.
Realizing you are not coming home. 

Bearing December with so much pain in my heart. 
Bearing December alone in my bed, in my house, in my soul.
Bearing December with no one to talk to.
Looking at the snow on the ground and I can see you coming to the door.
Holding back tears, this December.

The first night is the hardest; the first break of daylight is the most
overbearing. Everyone asking how am I holding up? They feel the cold on my
skin, and the pain begins to win. The tears begin to flood, and then I go back
To our room wishing it was not a cold December, because I can’t bear this time
without you.

I never thought I would bear this time.
Without you next to me.
Waking up on the first of many closed spaces.
Going to sleep on the first of many filled nights
realizing you are not coming home. As the 
memories don’t slow down. 

Bearing December with so much pain in my heart. 
Bearing December alone in my bed, in my house, in my soul.
Bearing December with no one to talk to
Looking at the snow on the ground, and I can remember seeing you
Last December coming to the door.
Holding back tears, on this December

Holding myself up at the front door and the cold 
Is hitting my skin, and the snow seem like slow rain drops.
Missing you this hard on this month, bearing this cold December. 
I put faith in god you are here with me, not the way I want you
But having you here with me in my soul is enough for me to bear this
December

Bearing December with so much pain in my heart. 
Bearing December alone in our bed, in our house, in my soul.
Bearing December with no one to talk to except the memories 
of you.

Looking at the snow on the ground and I can see you coming to the door.
As I begin to hold back tears, this December.




0 Comments

#19: Used To

11/27/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
I’ve been sleeping a little more than I’m
used to, dreaming like I used to instead 
of making it come true. Looking for things
to distract me too, because I don’t want to
think about how my life is so uneasy.

Can’t hide it anymore, can’t fight it anymore.
Don’t wanna end up on the ground like last time.
I’ve had bad days, but this one day it’s all 
coming at me, and I don’t know what I need 
to do.

I guess it took this one bad day, this one relapse 
to pick the phone up and say hey, pray and talk 
to God like I used to, be honest with myself like 
no one is around. I’ve been strong for so long I 
forgot how to ask for help. 

I didn’t want to pay attention to things that capture
my weakest attention and make me feel like nothing. 
I don’t feel the energy to wake up and conquer the 
world, I just want to dream about things I want like I 
used to. When I was okay with just okay. 

It hasn’t been easy, it hasn’t been hard either, it’s just
been there. I’ve just been there. Okay with just anything
okay with just dreaming. 

I guess it took this one bad day, this one relapse 
to pick the phone up and say hey, pray and talk 
to God like I used to, be honest with myself like 
no one is around. 

I’ve been strong for so long I forgot how to ask for help. 

I just wanna free myself and I guess it took one bad for 
me to see the road again. To see that...

I’ve come along way, and I don’t want to let one bad 
day to stop me like it used to yesterday. I want to see 
the road again and it took this one bad day to remind me
of how I used to be, took this one bad day to remind of
who I am and who I can be.

I guess it took this one bad day, this one relapse to make 
me pick up the phone again and say hey, pray and talk to 
God like I used to. Be honest with myself like I used to. Get 
a glimpse of what Freedom Feels like again. 

I guess it takes a couple of bad days to make you feel like
​you used to. To make you want to taste freedom again. 




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#18: Moonlight 10/22 (EBook)

10/14/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
Tried, trust issues, a heart filled with
unfulfilled wishes. A heavy soul asking
why it’s so hard. A broken strength,
but holding up so much.

I smile and breathe.

I’ve been here, that is why I don’t
fear, fear the next steps I take. I’ve 
been here, so I can hear all the right 
things. See all the best things. Live
my life without the added hurt of 
covering up the wounds in my soul. 

The sales, the reads, the ones who are
weren’t there don’t mean a damn thing to me.
Because 

My story has always been about honesty.
well, to be honest, I almost didn’t make 
it. I went through a good part of my life
holding it all in, kinda hoping to see the end. 
deep down future, I thought I couldn’t win.

I’ve been there, that is why I can be alone.
Walk alone and not ever feel lonely. The
love I got from the world around me lifted
me higher than the insecurities inside me. 
The love I got from the life long blessings around 
me lifted me higher than the demons deep within 
me. 

I saw the signs and thank god I’ve
been here before. Been here in this
deep end. I saw the sighs so I don’t 
have to pretend to be stronger than I 
really am. I’ve been here, so I don’t
fear the next chapter. I’ve been here
so I can’t wait for the next part
of my story to begin.

God, I thank you for keeping me here.

I’ve been here, but I’ve never been higher
than I am right now. I found that everything 
with a purpose always makes a sound. Which 
is why I always thank God for keeping me here.
I've still here because...

I’ve been here, so I can breathe and not have
to hold all this pain in. 

​

​
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  • Truth AKA Possibilities Vol.4
  • Stream My Album & EP
  • My Story...
  • Upcoming Projects
  • The Latest
  • Lyric Collections & More
    • Bookshelf
    • Moonlight Era >
      • Peace X The Black Poet: Moonlight
      • Black Poet Blog
    • AKA Peace & Love Feels Like Era 2013-2020
    • Possibilities & Heartbreak Love Stories: Volumes 1-3 >
      • Possibilities & Heartbreak Love Stories Vol.1
      • The Strength To Love You: Possibilities Vol. 2
      • Ghost & Breathe: Heartbreak LoveStories Vol.3
    • The Dreamscape Confessions (2020)
    • A Winter's Moonlight
    • Life Lessons >
      • Last Life Lesson 2019
  • The Deon Durr Show (Podcast)
  • Deon Durr Creates
    • The Creators Collection
    • Bookstore
  • Universe Stories
    • Wayward Hills
    • Into Darkness Shorts