 Tried, trust issues, a heart filled with
unfulfilled wishes. A heavy soul asking why it’s so hard. A broken strength, but holding up so much. I smile and breathe. I’ve been here, that is why I don’t fear, fear the next steps I take. I’ve been here, so I can hear all the right things. See all the best things. Live my life without the added hurt of covering up the wounds in my soul. The sales, the reads, the ones who are weren’t there don’t mean a damn thing to me. Because My story has always been about honesty. well, to be honest, I almost didn’t make it. I went through a good part of my life holding it all in, kinda hoping to see the end. deep down future, I thought I couldn’t win. I’ve been there, that is why I can be alone. Walk alone and not ever feel lonely. The love I got from the world around me lifted me higher than the insecurities inside me. The love I got from the life long blessings around me lifted me higher than the demons deep within me. I saw the signs and thank god I’ve been here before. Been here in this deep end. I saw the sighs so I don’t have to pretend to be stronger than I really am. I’ve been here, so I don’t fear the next chapter. I’ve been here so I can’t wait for the next part of my story to begin. God, I thank you for keeping me here. I’ve been here, but I’ve never been higher than I am right now. I found that everything with a purpose always makes a sound. Which is why I always thank God for keeping me here. I've still here because... I’ve been here, so I can breathe and not have to hold all this pain in.
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 Be careful who you give your heart to.
They’ll let you breathe, and steal your breath without you even knowing. Vanish and then leave you to roam as a ghost while they live a love life with the breath they stole from you. You awaken every ghost in my soul. You stand in my doorway asking me to let you breathe into me again, you bring out the moans in my body. I remember you walking away and not even leaving flowers. I guess you couldn’t stay away like you thought. I haunt you each time you try to get further back. I drag you deeper into the further you have only time for one reaction. The faster you ghost me. The slower I breathe & the slower I breathe the faster my ghost comes to life and looking for the knife in the night that gave me the hardest heart attack. You just left me to ghost and breathe. I guess I wasn't able to resist this faint past life like I thought. You almost bring me back to life, the further I try to pull away you pull me back into a further fantasy. I try to breathe and you stop me. The tighter you hold me, the stronger I release the ghost you created inside me. The longer the embrace the faster the ghost inside me reacts. It rushes to my mind. Because I remember how you just left me to ghost and breathe. The closer it comes to grabbing the knife it comes closer to grabbing that eternity. The closer I come to breathing is the closer I come to my ghost resurrection & in the same instance I come to my revenge. Love stories can shift quickly, start off as beautiful romantic poetics, then in one breath flow to the strings of blackest poetry. Sometimes you just have to feel the Ghost and just Breathe. Then ask yourself was it love or just lust? Then question the moment you seek closure do you see an end in letting go or do you see yourself holding onto revenge? ~The Black Poet  When I let my mind drift
I find myself waiting in question Find myself searching for the me in question. I find myself waking up in the daydream and taking it by the seams. Creating a reality, using a type of creativity I thought I had lost when I healed. As I let my mind drift. I could see that I was too busy trying to find a reason to be broken because I had convinced myself that I was more productive when I was in that state of mind. I was more creative broken, I was more less awakened in the mindset of forgetting. Forgetting that the pain was supposed to eventually fade, but I let it shape, let it take the form of my coveted creativity. As I let my mind drift. Back to the areas of my creativity discovering that I never lost it. I just had to find away to process this new found sense of reality. Realizing I didn’t know how to be accustomed to this new happy, this new sense of I’m grown up. The moment I let my mind drift. I unearthed the real progression that came with all my confessions.  Used to losing my way, but I’ve never been this
close to falling from grace. Each conflict I’m trying to prove to others, prove to myself who I am. Had heart to hearts with myself, but I still have that insecurity of not wanting to be looked at like I couldn’t do this on my own. Like I couldn’t make life my own. I crawl away and repeat What am I doing? Almost 10 years later what am I trying to prove? Who the hell am I trying to prove it to? Where am I going this time? What does God still have in store for me? What else has life got to throw at me? Is this the side effects of placing that curtain on the mirror? Walking away from the antidotes and just choosing to get high off of old quotes. I still haven’t learned to turn to anyone, I candle my life, I control this flame, but I feel it going out. I guess it’s just time for me to fight these side effects again. I took to the mirror, whispered reflection and I was shown someone who still doesn’t know what they want? A heart that is still steady, but closer to an edge of never believing. Asking them self how will they fall this time and will this be the time they finally lose sight of grace, just to prove the reflection wrong. Asking... Mirror, Mirror on the wall how hard will I fall? What am I doing? God am I on the right path? What am I trying to prove? Who the hell am I trying to prove it to? Is the fall from grace really the true ending to my story? Is this the side effects of placing that curtain on the Mirror? Do I really have the strength to try this again? Do I really have what it takes to make my mark? As I fall down everything just freezes. My eyes open... I stand up, face myself clear my mind, finally realize that, when I fall down the only eyes that are looking are mine seemingly dead in the reflection, but clearly still alive. These side effects got me all a wreck, but when I breathe, I can see. Realize that the story is only done when I say it is.  I really had to fall, to see the art in it all.
The pain that was painted into beauty. The heartbreak that was sung into a reviving yet haunting melody. I wish I didn’t have to fall to see the art in this life, in what we call a dream where we say everyone can make it if they just try, but we forget that we can wake up to reality and some unexpected transition to just sleep, to fall asleep in the last dream. I really had to stand to see the art in it all. The moments that were written into memories. The love that was recorded into breathtaking endings. I really had to stand to see the art in it all, to the see the art in this life we call a dream but some putting the dream aside to just see the art in the memories. Sometimes the dream is enough, sometimes reality is enough when you see the art in it all. The art in the pain we remember as beauty. The art in the heartbreak we sing when we need some rain from the soul to hit the heart just right, to hit the mind just right. The art in the moments we write down when we need an escape. The art in the love, we replay that ending that makes us smile when we’re not paying attention. Stand or fall, eventually you will see… The Art in it All.  Thought I was done, finished and
worn out. Didn’t have any new reason to fight. I tried to make things right instead of learning from this and moving and realizing that I’m a different person than I was yesterday. I know what I want, I know what I need, I know what I needed to see. I learned who I am now and that... I’m so much stronger than yesterday. I’m so much wiser than yesterday. I’m more ambitious than yesterday, as I look at tomorrow with no sorrows or regrets, I don’t want to forget the past it made me who I am. Stronger than I was yesterday. Brave for today and every new sunlight to rise and every moonlight to set and express that I am so much stronger than yesterday. I used to pass by the mirror and feel like I was nothing like I was wasting my time. I couldn’t see anything else but me trying to be happy when I was clearly breaking and I was taking shots to make the pain disappear. I saw a reflection and no chance of finding the right direction until I realized that it was right in front of me. I’m so much stronger than yesterday. I’m so much wiser than yesterday. I’m more ambitious than yesterday, as I look at tomorrow with no sorrows or regrets, I don’t want to forget the past it made me who I am. Waves of pressure make me into the indestructible steel, made all of the pain worth it, and that me being here was real. I was who I am today which was stronger than I was yesterday. Yesterday is gone, but the lessons are here to stay. Letting me know who I am today and that I’m stronger than yesterday. That I’m better than yesterday, I’m new a person today. Living like steel that won’t break, living like a fire that can’t go out, living like a waterfall that is stronger for the rest of its days. I’m stronger than yesterday. So much stronger than yesterday.  I find myself alone at night.
Nothing in my view but the stars. I feel the weight just drop off but in my room, I sit alone sometimes thinking I’m too far gone. People right outside, yet I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. Sometimes I don’t know what to do, I look in the mirror only to tell myself I have to be strong because there is... No room to break, no room to lose it, no room to face the pain, to tell myself the truth when I look in the mirror so I let it all out in a new entry of... Poetry Poetry is my key for crying with no one seeing. Poetry is my key for breaking with me keeping my outside so beautifully woven together. Poetry is my key to the truth, I never have the courage to say. Poetry is my key to open up while still keeping it all on the inside. Poetry is my key to smiling when I can’t get one together on the spot. When the words won’t come full circle. Poetry is my key to keep it all in, to let it out. To express myself I write a new entry of poetry. Face to face with myself. The darkness looming over me. The hell in the back of my mind. I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to break in front of crowds then lie saying I’m tired. When in reality I’m lost in the pain. I don’t want to face the truth, the pain, the hell as it all comes full circle. I find myself once again alone in my room crying saying… No room to break, no room to lose it, no room to face the pain, to tell myself the truth when I look in the mirror so I let it all out in a new entry of… Poetry Poetry is my key for crying with no one seeing. Poetry is my key for breaking with me keeping my outside so beautifully woven together. Poetry is my key to the truth, I never have the courage to say. Poetry is my key to open up while still keeping it all on the inside. Poetry is my key to smiling when I can’t get one together on the spot. When the words won’t come full circle. Poetry is my key to keep it all in, to let it out. To express myself I write a new entry of poetry. My words can be a peaceful lesson or just another chapter of my black poetry. No matter the meaning behind the words it’s my way to live, to break, to breathe when the words won’t come full circle, but a place where I can come full circle. Poetry is my key to let it all out, the key to keep it all in. I come full circle in poetry.  A lover is supposed to make the dreams
come true. A true lover is supposed to make you come to the conclusion that love is breathtaking come to the conclusion that love is like a dream that transcends reality. Bring you back from the lust of a twisted passionate fulfilled nightmare. Get your pulse in the vibe, feel the tide of the moonlight, need a lover just let me know we’ll ride the flow. Break boundaries of reality create an unparalleled reality. If you need a lover, just let me know. I’ll take you to the moonlight, reach a point where we explore the galaxy through pure ecstasy. We’ll put the vibe out and whatever journey comes we’ll explore together. Just let me know if you need a Lover. Just a one night cover to a lover of fantasy to a new reality need a lover just let me know. I’ll take you to the moonlight shores of a new breathtaking reality. We peak, but we lose nothing and only gain pure fourth wall breaking romance. Let your passion unleash, you’ve never had a soul like this. You’ve never had a mind this complex, yet when it comes to pleasures so simple. Never had a heart with a passionate yet primal urge. Allowing you to slip back and forth into the vibe and the pure pulse. Breathe in and out of the dream, wake up the reality shaped by the pure natural passion. If you need a lover just let me know.  It was 2017 when the story began
collapsing, but it was 2020 when a new chapter was beginning. All my skin knew was stick and stones, all my head told me was that I was alone. I walked away told my friends I have nothing left else to say, let my family know I didn’t wanna make a sound. I was content with being lost, it didn’t cost me anything, but an honest reflection in my story. That pain was nothing but stepping stones. My head told me I was alone, but my soul told me I just needed to take some time out. To really think about me. Told me it was okay to be lost, and slowly I would find myself. This is my story, I was lost, but in a sense of soul, I was found. I let it all go. It was the middle of 2018 when this chapter reached its climax. I had put the pen down. I lifted my head back up to take in the sunlight. Not let anyone tell me what was write for me. Expressed me through something other than my goals. Told Peace to take a step back, and that I needed to come out. Come out and smile just a minute, breathe in the moonlight just for a little bit. I was happy to be lost, but I’m grateful that I was found I was happy to let it all go, but I was Optimistic to pull it all back in. I am grateful to have known Peace, but I’m happy to finally know me. To start a new chapter embracing each and every damn piece of me. This is my story, I was lost, but in a sense of soul, I was found. I let it all go. I’m finally writing a new chapter, I’m finally accepting that this is truly my story. It all comes down to me and what I believe, and I believe in me.  Another year has gone, another part of life coming to a close.
A new cover is about to unfold, and life is about to get closer to a new unpredictable chapter. Ready to accomplish new goals, ready to make more changes. Another battle won, but still getting ready to face the war. A new year, and another chance to do more, another chance to make another change. Another chance to make the mark. A New Year, and we’re going in with a head held high. Only been getting stronger, resolutions makes our evolution to become someone we can look at in the mirror. Deep in our souls, we know that we are ready for the world. A New Year, and we’re ready for anything. This year did not go without heartbreaks. This year did not go without a face full of tears. This year was full of challenges, though we accomplished them all. If we woke up on this day. This year was full of cost and some of us lost. Goodbyes to a lot of people we never thought we would have to say goodbye to so early. We don’t know what this new year will bring. But I know a lot of us will make it to this point again. Down the way, all I can is say good luck and pray even when it’s all down, even when it’s all said, I can only dream that it’s truly a new year We can only pray for the best, and take on whatever life throws at us. A New Year, and we’re going in with a head held high. Only been getting stronger, resolutions makes our evolution to become someone we can look at in the mirror. Deep in our souls, we know that we are ready for the world. A New Year, and we’re ready for anything. I can’t say I have all the answers. I can’t say it will all be bright. You always got to expect new shades of darkness. With each new chapter, some days will always have a twisted turn but know it’s a chance to make a better you. I know what I am going to do. A New Year, and I’m going in with a head held high. Only been getting stronger, resolutions make my Evolution to become someone I can look in the mirror. Deep in my soul, I know I’m ready for the world. A New Year, I’m ready for anything. We’re ready for anything A New Year & We’re Ready. |
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October 2021
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